This life is a thing of beauty

 

I have been thinking more about mindfulness.  Mindfulness in the Buddhist context – what it means for me, for my life.  The part that mindfulness plays in my Dharma Life, in my journey.  I wrote about it a few days ago ( https://teejordan.co.uk/index.php/2019/07/16/mindfulness-a-poem) but last night’s Sangha Evening led by the newly ordained Akāśhanandi on the Four Reminders (see below) inspired me to explore further.

The Four Reminders
This human birth is precious,
An opportunity to awaken,
But this body is impermanent,
Ready or not, one day I shall die.

So this life I must know
As the tiny splash of a raindrop,
A thing of beauty that disappears
Even as it comes into being.

The karma I create
Shapes the course of my life,
But however I act
Life always has difficulties;
No-one can control it all.
Only the Dharma
Can free me and others
From suffering forever.

Therefore I recall
My hearts’s longing for freedom,
And I resolve to make use
Of every night and day
To realise it.

The first noble truth is that to be human is to suffer.  Suffering (Dukkha) is inevitable.  We all know that – Buddhist or not.  Every human being experiences pain, suffering and loss.  A lot of our time and energy is spent trying to relieve, cover or forget this suffering.  Sometimes we choose good ways of relieving suffering – talking with friends, meditation, going for a walk etc.  But some of the time we choose less skilful methods.  Addiction is often seen as a way of coping with suffering – Russell Brand has written and spoken a lot about this.  We can become addicted to anything – food, Box sets, exercise, online shopping. Addictions are unhealthy habits and attachments.  Many activities which we do for long periods of time may not be addictions as such, but we do them to fill time, because we are bored, because we feel tired and lethargic – Eating a packet of biscuits, watching endless box sets, flicking through FaceBook …

So there is suffering which we all try to deal with or avoid in many ways.  But human life is precious as is shown by the first line of the Four Reminders.  It is an opportunity which should not be missed.  Life does have difficulties, there is always suffering but it is also a thing of beauty.  We must make the most of it as this life is fleeting like the tiny splash of a raindrop.  We never know when it might end.  So – in comes mindfulness!  Am I being mindful about how I am living my life or am I just drifting along with no purpose?  Am I wasting precious moments?  Am I engaged in looking for true freedom from suffering for myself and others or am I just covering it up with mindless, possibly harmful activity?

The way to freedom is the Dharma – “only the Dharma can free me and others from suffering forever”.  The Dharma is the teaching of the Buddha – but it is not a set of laws and commandments which are written down and must be followed to the letter.  It is a teaching which has to be internalised and lived by each individual Buddhist.  The Buddha just said, “I am a human being, and I’ve had a certain experience.  Listen to what I have to say, by all means, but listen to it critically, test it in your own experience” (Sangharakshita – the founder of Triratna Buddhism) –   There is a story of the Buddha’s aunt / foster mother coming to him very hurt and upset because the Buddha’s disciples were giving out different versions of the Dharma.  The Buddha was unperturbed – and said (in a much longer and more poetic way), whatever you find conducive in practice to finding the goal of Enlightenment – do that.  The Dharma is a raft, a means to the other side of the river, it is a finger pointing to the moon.  The Dharma is not an end in itself.  As one of the Order members said to me – I have to discover what the Dharma means to me and live it.

I am still in the midst of exploration and discovery – but I do know that mindfulness is and will continue to be central to my practice, to my life.  One of the five precepts which I follow as a Mitra concerns mindfulness – not being clouded by intoxicants (which, to me, can be anything which stops me from being fully present), “With mindfulness pure and radiant I purify my mind”.

Human life is precious and fleeting – so we must appreciate every precious moment.  There has been much written about living in the present moment.  One of the first books I read on it was Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”.  The present moment is all that we have – it is not a stepping stone to another moment.  The Now is the most precious thing there is.  To be present in the Now is to be extremely mindful of what I am doing and not to be distracted by regrets from the past or dreams of the future.  I also need to take advantage of every given moment – is what I am doing at this very moment serviceable / beneficial to myself and / or to others.  I need to take heed of the last lines of the Four Reminders – recall my heart’s longing for freedom and resolve to make use of every day and night to realise it.  Now that does not mean that I have to be busy every moment of the day and night!  It does not mean that I can never sit down and watch television. Rest and relaxation are important physically, mentally and emotionally.  For me, being mindful and being in the present means that I need to know why I am doing what I am doing in a given moment and to be fully committed to that activity.  Am I watching NCIS Season 3 because I am actively interested in the story and the characters or just because I cannot be bothered to get up and do anything else?  Am I actually watching it or am I flicking through my phone looking at Instagram, responding to messages etc at the same time?  Have I sat here watching it all day (not very likely at the moment to be honest as my mobile WIFI is a bit unreliable)?  Am I taking time in the day to develop myself?  Am I reading, learning about the Dharma?  I want to hone my writing skills which were a little rusty but are coming back slowly – have I done anything to achieve that today?  I lost the creative side of me for a while so what am I doing to get that back (another blog post coming in a couple of weeks).  Have I been in contact with my friends and family?  Have I done my daily meditation?  And what have I done today to be of service to others – and how can I do more?  I am intensely aware that, as I am not working at the moment, I could easily waste my days doing nothing in particular – which would be a great shame as I am so fortunate to have this time.

Before I end this post – I do need to make it clear that I am a work in progress!  I am trying my hardest to practise mindfulness in the way that I have described.  It’s hard!  Even writing this, I have found myself distracted by the bleep of a text message which I answered…  and, having picked up my phone I saw that I had a FaceBook notification…  well you can probably see where I am going with this!   I would say, however, that being more mindful does make me feel happier, more fulfilled and calmer.

Thank you for reading!

 

“You have the direction… now to find the steps”

 

I have found myself in a state of confusion over the past few days.  Not able to reconcile the need to accept the suffering and even the death of a loved one with equanimity with the need not to become cold and unfeeling.  With the need to show others that I do care, I do love whilst still remaining calm and present.

Because of all of the stuff that has been going on, I have been reading and reflecting a lot on how to keep calm, live in the present moment and how to keep sailing a smooth path through loud, swirling winds.  As you can see from my last post, I have read Tolle’s “Power of Now”.  I have also had “Sailing the Worldly Winds” by Vajragupta recommended to me so I am reading that.  I have been bringing to mind the impermanence of everything including life; I have pondered on Dukkha – the general unsatisfactoriness of life.  Somehow I am standing in the middle of it all keeping calm (mostly) and letting things take their course.

But ….  But how do I do this and not turn back to the person I used to be?  How do I manage to keep in the present moment responding rather than reacting to my emotions without returning to the person who used to hide her emotions behind very strong walls?  How do I work my way through the seeming paradox of reacting skillfully, remembering that everything has an ending and caring deeply? How can I be present for those I love in their suffering and not appear to be disinterested and cold?  How do I continue to “become more Tee”?  How do I find this path?  What am I looking for?  A friend said that I “have the direction, now to find the steps”.

Yesterday evening, I went to my Buddhist Meeting as usual.  Every time I attend a Sangha meeting or meet up with friends from the Sangha I am struck by their calm, their sense of peace and the loving kindness / metta which flows from them.  As we meditated, talked over tea and listened to the talks, I realised that metta is the key to this seeming paradox.  I have not yet worked how but know that I am on the right path, taking the correct steps.   This may well be obvious to everyone else – I may just be very slow on the uptake!

I know that I need to reflect more on this.  I definitely need and intend to practise the Metta Bhavana Meditation.  In this practice we cultivate loving kindness beginning with ourselves and eventually spreading it out to all sentient beings.

“The teachings on love by the Buddha are clear, scientific and applicable… Love, compassion, joy and equanimity are the very nature of an enlightened person.  They are the four aspects of true love within ourselves and within everyone and everything”

Thich Nhat Hanh

I am not sure about this post…  I feel that I have not adequately explained what I feel and the dilemma I face.  I am not sure that I have described my small glimmer of light very well.  But I am going to post this anyway.  Things are not always straightforward.  Some things need to be pondered upon and thought through for a while so that they become less twisted and tangled.  In the writing and reflecting I will take a step or two forward.  I am sure that I will come to these reflections.

The Power of Now

Eckhart Tolle – The Power of Now

I have been listening to this as I have walked Pretzel and driven to meetings.  It is a book that I am pleased that I have listened to rather than read.  Listening to Eckhart Tolle’s words has made me concentrate on them and bring my whole self to them.  There are so many messages to reflect upon.   It is a book that I will need to keep coming back to.

I think that anyone who has been reading this blog will see that I am working to keep in the now, in the present; trying to prevent my thoughts from disappearing into the past or looking forward into an imagined future.  I am becoming more aware of my thoughts and where they are taking me.  Because of this awareness, I am sometimes able to step back from my thoughts and focus more on where I am now, in this minute.  There is only now.  Everything happens in the now.  Concentrating / obsessing on the past or future, even wishing life was different is a fruitless endeavour which just brings pain and suffering.

Tolle talks about the Pain Body.  The Pain Body is self-created and, once in existence, it wants to survive by any means possible.   It will survive by feeding on any negative emotions, situation.  It wants to cause or experience pain.   It will pretend to be me, take me over, lead me to repeating patterns that will cause me more pain so that it is fed and very much alive within me.  Since listening to Tolle talking about the Pain Body, I have reflected on mine.  I have seen that I have, unconsciously, been feeding it in the way that I have lived and the choices I have made.  Even looking back at the past, wishing it had been different feeds the pain making it deeper.  Fantasising about a fantastically happy future or worrying also feeds the pain.   “The moment you observe the pain body, feel its energy within you, and take your attention into it, the identification is broken”.

In previous posts, I have been reflecting on the fact that my life situation has not changed but my perception of it has.  Well – my life situation has changed!  In many ways it has got worse!  More suffering for myself and those who I love.  Tolle makes a distinction between one’s life and one’s life situation.  Things happen in life.  The fact of impermanence means that even happy situations will not last.  There will always be pain; pleasure will always be temporary.   To find peace, I need to work towards not being dependent upon life being a certain way.   I am trying to step back from situations, from my thoughts about them.  As a result I feel much more positive, more at peace with what is and where I am.

I have also been reflecting on Tolle’s thoughts on romantic love.  To the ego, loving and wanting are the same.  True love has no wanting in it, no desire to possess or wanting someone to change.  The ego uses the other person to cover up feelings of discontentment.  In Buddhism, attachment is the root of suffering.  We crave what we cannot have, or what cannot last.  Attachment is the usual basis of romantic relationships.  We often attach our personal happiness to one person.  It is difficult, as you may appreciate, to comment too much on my thinking and learning about attachment in romantic relationships as others are involved.  However, I can say that recent experience has shown me that my relationships now (both romantic and others) have much less to do with attachment than in the past.  Please – do not for a minute think that I am 100% there!  Obviously not.  But now, those people I love and care for (romantically or otherwise,  I don’t want to change.  I don’t need to possess them.  I want them to be well and happy, at peace.  I can support them and love them by making sure that they know that I am here for them.

Tolle makes a distinction between clock time and psychological time.  Clock time is often required so that we can actually live in this world.   Time, however, is a construct.  We only ever live in the now.  There is never a time when life is not lived in the now.   But we become trapped into bringing the past and the future into the present so that we step out of the present.  Negativity is caused by psychological time and denial of the present moment.  Fear, anxiety, etc are caused by thinking of the future; Sadness, regret, guilt arises from devotion to the past.  It seems impossible to me at the moment to live totally in the present.  I can feel my mind forcing its way into my consciousness and thinking about what has been or what could be.   But – I have got better at accepting the present, accepting what is.  Not longing for or fearing the future.  Not looking back with sadness or nostalgia.  I am learning – very slowly – to feel gratitude for what is happening right now; to be aware of my emotions and thoughts right now.   


If you make a mistake in the past and learn from it now, you are using clock time.  On the other hand, if you dwell on it mentally, and self-criticism, remorse or guilt come up, then you are making the mistake into “me” and “mine”: You make it part of your sense of self, and it has become psychological time, which is always linked to a false sense of identity