Mindfulness – a poem

This poem was the the result of a project I did for my Dharma Study Group. I looked at the fifth precept:

“With mindfulness pure and radiant, I purify my mind”

It began with a mind map which is the main picture at the top of this post. I love mind maps. I first came across them when I was teaching in Milton Keynes. Tony Buzan has written several books on the subject of mind mapping – well worth a look. Mind mapping is a great technique for brain storming any subject and organising your resultant thoughts. It also lets you use all of those colourful pens!! Then there was a stage when I tried to organise my thoughts in a more linear way. I was bored by that though and it didn’t seem like a good ending for the project.

In my mind map and more organised writing, I looked at mindfulness as being multi faceted:

being present, in the now, in the moment. Not worrying about the future or being anxious about the past. No regret, no fear. Be in the moment, enjoying whatever it is I am doing without distraction
knowing the purpose of the activity to my life, my goal, my direction. Is this activity beneficial to me? Am I benefiting myself or others by doing this? In the words of the Olympic Medallist, Ben Hunt Davis, “Will it make the boat go faster”?
being vigilant. Guarding against unskilful actions of body, speech and mind. Am I acting with metta? Am I being generous? Am I being truthful?

And whatever I am doing, even if it does not seem to be a “good” thing to do; it might be a frivolous thing, just fun or something to do at that moment. But whatever it is – am I actually noticing what I am doing? Am I actually watching Netflix? Am I actually tasting the bar of (vegan) chocolate? Am I actually listening to my friend? We all seem to spend so much of our lives multi-tasking!

Somehow – I am not sure how exactly – this turned into a poem. I haven’t written a poem in years – probably since school. And at school, there were always rules to follow – make sure it rhymes or “write it in the style of….”

So here it is – the completed poem.

This moment is a precious gift.
Imagine a butterfly drifting in and perching gently on your hand.
Use your eyes to photograph her beauty.
Be gentle …. Don’t move your hand or make sudden movements.
This is a special moment. This butterfly trusts you to do the best by her
Don’t harm her
Don’t scare her
Treat her well.
This butterfly will never come back to you again… Her life is short as it is.
She will fly off – don’t try to stop her.
Do not chase after her.
Just let her go.

This moment is a precious gift.
A present given to you by a special friend to use well.
Open the present with attention and care.
Read the hand written card.
Notice the beautiful wrapping paper and ribbon.
Fold the paper carefully so that it can be treasured and used again; Tie the ribbon in your hair.
The present is fragile; it will not last.
But is given with such love and devotion.
Use the present wisely. Use the present with love.
One day that gift may be broken – do not weep. Do not cry.
Your friend loves you still.

This moment is a precious gift.
Imagine a special bunch of flowers ready to be placed on the shrine.
They have been picked with loving care.
Look at their bright colours; notice their green leaves.
Arrange them with care
Show them to their best advantage.
Treat them gently – they are delicate.
When they begin to fade, remove them from the shrine
Do not mourn their death
They were never going to last more than that brief time.
The shrine will be beautiful again.

This moment is a precious gift.
Use it well.
Use it wisely.
Use it with intention.
Use it without distraction.
This moment is a precious gift.
Use it, be deep within it then…

Let it go.

With deeds of loving kindness, I purify my body

This precept was the subject for my Dharma Study Group this week. For me, this precept is the foundation of Buddhism. Everything else stems from this.

The five precepts, training principles of Buddhism are given in their negative. The first is “I undertake to refrain from taking life”. It talks of killing but is really about abstaining from harming any sentient being in any way. Violence is wrong because it is based on an unskilful mental state – on the state of hatred. But the precepts also have a stronger, more powerful positive counterpart. When I think of the precepts, I always think of the positive – what can I do to become a better human being? Rather than what I should not do. The counterpart of abstention from violence is the practice of Metta – loving kindness. It is a loving kindness that is expressed in deeds; it is not enough to feel goodwill and love. Loving kindness must be expressed in ACTION.

When talking about this precept – the first precept – it is tempting to think about the big things – should I be vegetarian or even vegan? Should I be opposed to abortion in all circumstances however distressing to the woman? But is this what we should be thinking about ? Is this all we should be considering? I could be vegan and anti abortion and be a vengeful uncaring human being. I only need to look in some of the Facebook vegan groups to see the hatred and anger some vegans have for other human beings. The anger and hatred directed at those poor innocent newbies who are simply seeking answers and dare to ask if eating honey can ever be ok…

I believe this precept has to come directly from the heart. It is why the Metta Bhavana meditation is so very important. I can hold as many principles as I like but may not be a person who shows loving kindness to myself, my friend, a neutral person, the person with whom I am having difficulties (sometimes referred to as my enemy) and to all sentient beings – human and non-human. I can be vegan, anti abortion etc etc but may be incapable of feeling and expressing loving kindness to all sentient beings. Deeds of loving kindness stem from the heart not from sternly held principles and views.

Living from a standpoint of loving kindness has got its dangers. Without self love this way of living can turn someone into a “push over”, a “doormat” … however you want to label a person who never thinks of her / him self. But the precept is about all beings including ourselves. It is not by chance that the first stage of the Metta Bhavana focuses on ourselves. In this stage I wish myself happiness, I want myself to be well and free from suffering. If we do not love and care for ourselves, we cannot truly love and care for others.

We also have to look at wisdom. The threefold path consists of Ethics (the precepts) and meditation – both of which I have already mentioned – but also Wisdom. Wisdom is crucial. Sometimes we have to sit back and think – what is the best way to help this person? What is the most skilful way to show loving kindness in this circumstance?

So, this precept for me, is the backdrop – or more truthfully – should be the backdrop for my entire existence. That person who pushed in front of me in the queue – I could get angry but do I know what he / she is dealing with at the moment? That friend who doesn’t respond to messages or phone calls – how do I know what is going on for them? It might not be about me. That person who is still eating meat even though they profess to be vegan in public – how do I know what else is going on in their lives, the struggles they have?

Loving kindness /Metta is not a soppy emotion. It is a strong, all powerful force in our lives. It should be expressed in action not just feelings. So we should be actively loving and caring to ourselves, our family and friends, all the people we know, all animals. Not just the people we like. Not just the animals we think are cute. All people. All animals. All sentient beings. We should strive not to do them harm – but more than that – we should strive to do them good.

Becoming a Mitra

I am writing this just as I am getting ready to go to my Mitra Ceremony. I am looking forward to making the public declaration that I am a Buddhist. That I am practising the Dharma. That I want to be a Buddhist within the Triratna community. I look forward to declaring this within the Eastbourne Sangha.

There is one person who I wish could be with me this evening to witness this. The man who introduced me to all of this in the first place. He changed my life. He showed me the path which I now walk. So I would have liked him with me this evening. But he has wished me well and will be thinking of me.

After the ceremony

What an amazing, inspirational, beautiful, magical evening. I felt surrounded by love and support. A lovely friend who has been with me throughout my Buddhist journey surprised me by coming along. People stood up and said such lovely things about me – about my conviction, my energy. They called me a warrior and one praised me for my courage. We did a three stage Metta Bhavana meditation- and the second stage was centred on me. The tears threatened to flow.

I was right to be nervous about the candles ! I ended up putting all of the candles out trying to light mine! Then someone went in search of the lighter .. which somehow didn’t work! Fortunately someone had come armed with a lighter … It was fine – everyone was laughing and it didn’t take away from the occasion. It certainly made for an unique mitra ceremony! It could only happen to me.

I have so many cards and presents – the cards have such touching thoughtful messages. I also have the flowers from the shrine.

So I am now a Mitra. It feels such an important step. I feel energised. I have the tools to keep going forward in my life. I have a lovely set of friends who are always there for me and me for them. I am part of a beautiful community. I still have everything going on in my life. I have many challenges to face and life is not always satisfactory – there is much suffering. People who I love dearly are suffering. The situation I am in hasn’t got any better! In fact, it has got significantly worse over the last couple of weeks. But the way that I deal with it and the way in which I approach it has changed.

I asked for a poem to be read at my ceremony which sums it all up wonderfully. Someone commented that this poem was perfect for me. That I walked into the Sangha with a mission, a purpose.

THE JOURNEY BY MARY OLIVER

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

I have a date for my Mitra Ceremony!

I feel that I am a Buddhist
I am trying to practise the five precepts
I feel that the Triratna Buddhist Community is the main context in which I want to deepen my practice

Mitra is a Sanskrit word meaning friend. Mitras are people who have made what is called a “provisional” commitment to practising the Dharma within the Triratna Buddhist Order. There is a special ceremony which takes place where the would-be mitra is making the three declarations listed above. The ceremony itself is a simple yet beautiful one. Unfortunately for someone as clumsy as me, it does have plenty of opportunities to drop things or set the place on fire. Please don’t let me set the shrine on fire! I will keep you posted on that one.

This will definitely be a landmark in my journey. It’s represents a commitment to my path

Looking forward to 2019

Goodbye 2018 / Welcome 2019

I tend to avoid New Year’s Eve parties. I have never really enjoyed them. But I see the point of them – saying goodbye to the year that is past and welcoming in the New Year. Some people don’t like the divide between one year and the next; they see it as a false construct or as a sign that another year has gone and that they are nearer death. Some see the making of New Year’s resolutions as pointless or as just being something else to worry about.

I have always looked back at the year that has passed and I do make resolutions for the year to come. I think it is a useful construct especially this year. It is the opportunity to look at where I am on my journey and consider what I can do better/ differently to travel in the right direction, enjoy the walk, take pleasure in the scenery. At the same time I am looking at where I am now… there is a lot of happiness in my life and there is sadness. I need to live in the present – to appreciate the now but in my “now” I can do things which will help my future and aid my happiness.

I have been listening to Tony Robbins podcast with Russell Brand this morning. They were discussing “Recovery” which I have written about before. It has been good to refresh my memory and increase my understanding of the Russell’s interpretation of the 12 steps. One of the most useful ideas is the view that addictions can be anything – any behaviour that I really want to stop, that I feel uncomfortable about doing but somehow keep on with. This is alcohol but is also attachment to social media, TV, a particular person. Working through the 12 steps can help with these and any addictions.

Russell and Tony ascribe to the idea that we are entitled to be happy. We have to look at what we believe happiness to be though. True happiness is not short term pleasure – that is fleeting; impermanent. According to Tibetan Buddhism, the two main things we need to be happy are mindful awareness and loving compassion. Compassion / loving kindness / metta for ourselves and for other beings. These can be built by meditation through which we can overcome negative thoughts and habitual emotional responses – we can start to live from a calmer, more peaceful place.

So, in 2019, I will continue the journey which I started this year. I believe that I can change myself, change my thinking and that I am responsible for my own happiness. How I think and how I respond to my emotions will dictate my degree of happiness. I am walking the Buddhist path as best that I can. I have practical steps which I have started to take. I will practise the 5 precepts (see below), meditate and use Russell’s interpretation of the 12 steps to help me rid myself of addictions / negative behaviour and to develop more skillful thinking and behaviours. Buddhism, the 12 steps see the goal as living a life that is compassionate, serving others. In the podcast this morning, Russell and Tony both described how helping others takes you outside of yourself and brings happiness.

I cannot expect the journey to be linear – there will be meandering, backward steps. But I shall remember what the words of a friend – “We practise the 5 precepts the best that we can; we are all practising. None of us is perfect”. What matters is that we try.

So 2018 has not been a great year in many ways. BUT it is the year in which I changed my path – started this journey. It is the year in which I got up off the floor and started moving. It is the year in which the walls which I had built up came tumbling down. It is the year in which I started to take control.

In 2019 I will continue my journey to become more Tee…

Happy New Year!

The Five Precepts

I undertake to abstain from taking life
I undertake to abstain from taking the not-given
I undertake to abstain from sexual misconduct
I undertake to abstain from false speech
I undertake to abstain from taking intoxicants/drink and drugs which cloud the mind

With deeds of loving-kindness, I purify my body
With open-handed generosity, I purify my body
With stillness, simplicity and contentment, I purify my body
With truthful communication, I purify my speech
With mindfulness clear and radiant, I purify my mind