I look back at my pictures of this Summer. Of Snowdonia, of Morocco. I look at Instagram. Those beautiful Instagram pictures by amazing photographers! I cannot get enough of the beauty. I gaze at pictures of Snowdonia and other fabulous landscapes and just wish I was there! All my thoughts of living in the present moment evaporate as I recall treasured memories of Llyn Gwynant and the surrounding area. All my thoughts of living in the now fade away as I long for a distant future of travelling, walking and exploration.
I set out on my usual dog walk this morning, dragging a reluctant little dog behind me. I was going to do my usual route – this does not require thinking – I just do it. I know it takes an hour; I know it is just over 5k; I know that it will hit a big chunk of my daily steps. But – this morning I turned right instead of left and headed for the park.
Now some of you reading this (if anyone does! I need more subscribers – insert sad face) will say “You stupid woman. Why don’t you go to the park every day? It has to be prettier than the streets”. And you will have made a very sound point. I don’t know the exact reason why! I know that the route I take is my old 5K route in my running days. I remember that Pretzel used to be really nervous of people and dogs so the park would have been a little too much for her. Maybe it is just habit, though. I don’t know.
As I walked I listened to the latest Russell Brand podcast (well worth listening to by the way! A live conversation with Radhanath Swami). I walked thinking of those beautiful pictures and images of mountains, beaches, oceans. I entered the park on this cold, dark winter morning. At first all I could see were sad, unhappy, brown colours and bare trees. Then I began to look properly and saw that there was beauty… I took off my gloves, took out my phone and started taking pictures of trees, ducks, the lake.
So yes – I will continue to look at pictures of Snowdonia, Wales, the rest of the world. I will make plans to visit some of these places. But I must live in the present and see the beauty in now.
And that is the secret to happiness, I think! Or at least one of the secrets. I must look at the beauty. Whatever is happening, wherever I am, whatever I miss or yearn for – in all of this there will be beauty somewhere. I could concentrate on the negative emotions – on pain, regret, yearning, sadness. I could look at what is wrong with my life. I could keep wishing away the winter. OR I could look beyond those things to the beauty which exists in life.
I tend to avoid New Year’s Eve parties. I have never really enjoyed them. But I see the point of them – saying goodbye to the year that is past and welcoming in the New Year. Some people don’t like the divide between one year and the next; they see it as a false construct or as a sign that another year has gone and that they are nearer death. Some see the making of New Year’s resolutions as pointless or as just being something else to worry about.
I have always looked back at the year that has passed and I do make resolutions for the year to come. I think it is a useful construct especially this year. It is the opportunity to look at where I am on my journey and consider what I can do better/ differently to travel in the right direction, enjoy the walk, take pleasure in the scenery. At the same time I am looking at where I am now… there is a lot of happiness in my life and there is sadness. I need to live in the present – to appreciate the now but in my “now” I can do things which will help my future and aid my happiness.
I have been listening to Tony Robbins podcast with Russell Brand this morning. They were discussing “Recovery” which I have written about before. It has been good to refresh my memory and increase my understanding of the Russell’s interpretation of the 12 steps. One of the most useful ideas is the view that addictions can be anything – any behaviour that I really want to stop, that I feel uncomfortable about doing but somehow keep on with. This is alcohol but is also attachment to social media, TV, a particular person. Working through the 12 steps can help with these and any addictions.
Russell and Tony ascribe to the idea that we are entitled to be happy. We have to look at what we believe happiness to be though. True happiness is not short term pleasure – that is fleeting; impermanent. According to Tibetan Buddhism, the two main things we need to be happy are mindful awareness and loving compassion. Compassion / loving kindness / metta for ourselves and for other beings. These can be built by meditation through which we can overcome negative thoughts and habitual emotional responses – we can start to live from a calmer, more peaceful place.
So, in 2019, I will continue the journey which I started this year. I believe that I can change myself, change my thinking and that I am responsible for my own happiness. How I think and how I respond to my emotions will dictate my degree of happiness. I am walking the Buddhist path as best that I can. I have practical steps which I have started to take. I will practise the 5 precepts (see below), meditate and use Russell’s interpretation of the 12 steps to help me rid myself of addictions / negative behaviour and to develop more skillful thinking and behaviours. Buddhism, the 12 steps see the goal as living a life that is compassionate, serving others. In the podcast this morning, Russell and Tony both described how helping others takes you outside of yourself and brings happiness.
I cannot expect the journey to be linear – there will be meandering, backward steps. But I shall remember what the words of a friend – “We practise the 5 precepts the best that we can; we are all practising. None of us is perfect”. What matters is that we try.
So 2018 has not been a great year in many ways. BUT it is the year in which I changed my path – started this journey. It is the year in which I got up off the floor and started moving. It is the year in which the walls which I had built up came tumbling down. It is the year in which I started to take control.
In 2019 I will continue my journey to become more Tee…
Happy New Year!
The Five Precepts
I undertake to abstain from taking life
I undertake to abstain from taking the not-given
I undertake to abstain from sexual misconduct
I undertake to abstain from false speech
I undertake to abstain from taking intoxicants/drink and drugs which cloud the mind
With deeds of loving-kindness, I purify my body
With open-handed generosity, I purify my body
With stillness, simplicity and contentment, I purify my body
With truthful communication, I purify my speech
With mindfulness clear and radiant, I purify my mind
Today has been a different sort of day. It has been an extremely wet and miserable day – one of those designed to put anyone in a bad mood. A day which makes sensible people retreat indoors with a hot drink and a box set. Me being me – I have been out on a couple of walks and have got soaked each time. The first time I took a very grumpy Pretzel and the second time I took pity on her and went on my own. I think that she may have forgiven me by now.
Today has been a thinking, reflecting, growing sort of day. I have been listening to and learning from some very spiritually aware people.
I started the day with a Metta Meditation led by Tara Brach. This was a lovely meditation led by a very softly spoken woman. Follow this link to learn more about her – https://www.tarabrach.com/
Later, I went onto Discovery 5 and watched a couple of episodes of Ben Fogle’s “New Lives in the Wild”. Randi, the first Norwegian woman to climb Everest was delightful! So charismatic and happy; such a courageous and spirited woman. https://www.my5.tv/ben-fogle-new-lives-in-the-wild/season-7/episode-4
It is now early evening and I am looking forward to watching “Strictly Come Dancing” with my girls. It is musical night so should be amazing to watch. I admire those celebrities so much – how do they learn to dance like that?
Today has been a day which has made me even more determined to keep to my path. To learn from and follow the Dharma and to learn to be happy myself and to help others be happy too. Tara Brach, Russell Brand, Tony Robbins, Ben Fogle, Randi – thank you for your inspiration.
I have had this book on my kindle for a while now but only started reading it a couple of days ago. Perfect timing. If I had read it before now I would not have applied it to me. The 12 Step Plan Russell is describing is for alcoholics, drug users… I would not have seen that I needed the liberation from my addictions, self-centredness and illusion. I would not have appreciated that I needed to totally rethink my life, world-views and attitudes. I would have seen it as a brilliant, useful, courageous book written by someone who I deeply admire but it would not have applied to me. It would not have resonated with me in the way that it has. I would know that “I am a bit fucked” (Step One) and I was beginning to see that “I could not be fucked” (Step Two). Step Three – I cannot do it on my own – was obvious. I haven’t worked through the rest in the way that Russell recommends (YET) but I need to get to the stage where I am brave enough, courageous enough to “live in a new way that’s not all about [me] and [my] previous fucked up stuff “ (Step Seven).
I started reading this book a few days after discussing world-views in my Dharma study group. All of us have views about how we think we should operate in the world, in our relationships, at work, everywhere. We believe and hope that they will result in the life we want to live. “If I act like this at work, I will do well and get promoted. This will lead to me having more money and power. I will be happier. My family will be grateful to me”. That sort of thing. “If this man does not want me – my life isn’t worth having”. “I need to have the latest iPhone, iPad, huge flat screen to be happy”. We all have views and ways of living life – for a lot of us they are seriously flawed. As Russell says, “We are trapped in a way of ‘being’ that is not working”. I am in the process of trying to change mine – to become more Tee.
It’s a hard journey. I told someone about the ups and downs – the downs are huge craters; the ups tiny. He reminded me that it is the toughest thing that I will ever do. Recovery acknowledges and addresses this. Russell knows first hand that it cannot be done alone. But crucially, it is not a one time thing. Steps 10 – 12 are about being committed to daily growth, to stay connected in these new, more authentic world views, to live life for others – not to concentrate on me, my ego.
Introducing my pug / chinese crested cross – Pretzel. According to google she is a “thing”. She is a “Pugese”. Look them up. She seems to have more hair than most. Being biased, I think she is prettier than most.
Anyway – although impossibly cute – she is not to be the point of this first blog post.
I go for the same 5k walk around the streets where I live at least once a day. Most days I am listening to music (the Nashville soundtracks are my current obsession) and fantasising about a life that is certainly not going to happen. Now this is obviously not healthy! My real life has not got a hope of matching up to this one! And – I am definitely not “living in the present moment”. This is not following Buddhist teachings and will not make for a happy Tee.
So today, whilst listening to Russell Brand’s “Under the Skin” podcast with Charles Eisenstein, I actually looked around me and took notice as I walked. I lived in the present and appreciated what was around me – the sky, some flowers hanging on from summer, autumn leaves. I even managed to notice and, hence, pick up a discarded McDonalds bag. I stopped to talk to an elderly woman walking her very sweet yorkie.
After a very enjoyable walk, I returned home and have had an extremely productive day.
Let’s hope I learn all of the lessons from this! And do the same tomorrow – and the next day.
Today has been my most positive day in a long time. It is all in the mind. It is all about how I deal with my thoughts and my emotions. It is about skillful thinking.
As I walked I listened to the latest Russell Brand podcast (well worth listening to by the way! A live conversation with Radhanath Swami). I walked thinking of those beautiful pictures and images of mountains, beaches, oceans. I entered the park on this cold, dark winter morning. At first all I could see were sad, unhappy, brown colours and bare trees. Then I began to look properly and saw that there was beauty… I took off my gloves, took out my phone and started taking pictures of trees, ducks, the lake.
world. I will make plans to visit some of these places. But I must live in the present and see the beauty in now.
huge craters; the ups tiny. He reminded me that it is the toughest thing that I will ever do. Recovery acknowledges and addresses this. Russell knows first hand that it cannot be done alone. But crucially, it is not a one time thing. Steps 10 – 12 are about being committed to daily growth, to stay connected in these new, more authentic world views, to live life for others – not to concentrate on me, my ego.
Introducing my pug / chinese crested cross – Pretzel.