Dog walk thoughts …

Was thinking about my mitra ceremony on my Pretzel walk this morning. I was in a bit of pain from my back and joints (stress and cold,damp weather do not help them) so was trying to distract myself. I found myself smiling over the candle fiasco. I remembered the way in which everyone laughed with me and celebrated when I finally got my candle alight. It made me think about how things in my life often don’t go as I think they will. Something comes along to threaten the imagined perfection of the eagerly awaited event. But I always get through. Often I get through on my own but this time I had a whole community of friends with me supporting me.

Life does not always turn out as was expected / hoped / wished for. But with the example of the Buddha, his teachings and the Sangha I can make it through and become a better person in the process. I just have to keep remembering this.

Becoming a Mitra

I am writing this just as I am getting ready to go to my Mitra Ceremony. I am looking forward to making the public declaration that I am a Buddhist. That I am practising the Dharma. That I want to be a Buddhist within the Triratna community. I look forward to declaring this within the Eastbourne Sangha.

There is one person who I wish could be with me this evening to witness this. The man who introduced me to all of this in the first place. He changed my life. He showed me the path which I now walk. So I would have liked him with me this evening. But he has wished me well and will be thinking of me.

After the ceremony

What an amazing, inspirational, beautiful, magical evening. I felt surrounded by love and support. A lovely friend who has been with me throughout my Buddhist journey surprised me by coming along. People stood up and said such lovely things about me – about my conviction, my energy. They called me a warrior and one praised me for my courage. We did a three stage Metta Bhavana meditation- and the second stage was centred on me. The tears threatened to flow.

I was right to be nervous about the candles ! I ended up putting all of the candles out trying to light mine! Then someone went in search of the lighter .. which somehow didn’t work! Fortunately someone had come armed with a lighter … It was fine – everyone was laughing and it didn’t take away from the occasion. It certainly made for an unique mitra ceremony! It could only happen to me.

I have so many cards and presents – the cards have such touching thoughtful messages. I also have the flowers from the shrine.

So I am now a Mitra. It feels such an important step. I feel energised. I have the tools to keep going forward in my life. I have a lovely set of friends who are always there for me and me for them. I am part of a beautiful community. I still have everything going on in my life. I have many challenges to face and life is not always satisfactory – there is much suffering. People who I love dearly are suffering. The situation I am in hasn’t got any better! In fact, it has got significantly worse over the last couple of weeks. But the way that I deal with it and the way in which I approach it has changed.

I asked for a poem to be read at my ceremony which sums it all up wonderfully. Someone commented that this poem was perfect for me. That I walked into the Sangha with a mission, a purpose.

THE JOURNEY BY MARY OLIVER

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

I have a date for my Mitra Ceremony!

I feel that I am a Buddhist
I am trying to practise the five precepts
I feel that the Triratna Buddhist Community is the main context in which I want to deepen my practice

Mitra is a Sanskrit word meaning friend. Mitras are people who have made what is called a “provisional” commitment to practising the Dharma within the Triratna Buddhist Order. There is a special ceremony which takes place where the would-be mitra is making the three declarations listed above. The ceremony itself is a simple yet beautiful one. Unfortunately for someone as clumsy as me, it does have plenty of opportunities to drop things or set the place on fire. Please don’t let me set the shrine on fire! I will keep you posted on that one.

This will definitely be a landmark in my journey. It’s represents a commitment to my path

New Year – Endings and beginnings…

Last night I went to my usual Buddhist meeting. Actually – it was a slight departure from the usual programme. We have had a different couple of weeks as we did the alternative Boxing Day and the alternative New Year. Not many attended Boxing Day – there were 7 of us. There were more last night – but many were new. It was lovely to meet this group of young, obviously very spiritual people and to meditate and talk with them. I don’t know if they will attend again – but am hopeful that they will. I did have mixed feelings though – which I am thinking about and exploring… They somehow changed the dynamic of the group – not necessarily for the worse but it felt different.

We did the Mindfulness of Breathing meditation. I must admit I struggled last night – my mind would have been in place but my body did not agree! My back is suffering from all of the lifting and decorating that I have been doing.. and my arthritis hates this weather. I stupidly chose to sit on the floor rather than admit defeat and choose a chair. So I was a little fidgety and in pain for most of it… Lesson learned (I hope!). My mind did feel clearer afterwards though so it cannot have been all bad – I am reminded that even a “poor” meditation is better than none at all.

During the tea break I caught up with a couple of women from my Dharma Study Group. I love these women. They are so different from each other – and from me! One is calm and peaceful; the other lively and passionate. The warmth and love that they (and others in the Sangha) show towards me and towards everyone is incredible… I am starting to truly appreciate the value of spiritual friends and to the Eastbourne Triratna Sanga.

Afterwards we sat and talked about the end of one year and the beginning of the next, of endings and beginnings, of opportunity… We thought about what we wanted to leave behind, what we wanted to keep with us and what we were looking for in the future. And it came to me… What I wanted to leave behind was the weight of expectation. I wanted to feel more free to lead my life as it should be led rather than as I think other people expect. I want to be more free so that I can be of more service, more help and more caring to others – to those I love and to society in general. I want to be more free so that I can travel, read and walk. I want to feel alive.

For the past few years I have felt trapped inside a life that I don’t really want. I feel as if I have not got enough time and energy available for my daughters. I felt as if there was nothing that I could do about it… Until a few months ago when a chance meeting led to me seeing so many possibilities. It is not too late to change how I live; it is not to late to live a more positive, spiritual life. It is not too late as long as I am brave enough to take the chance. Actually – not to “take” the chance but to make the chances – to make the changes happen.

So here I go. I am moving the obstacles, clearing the path. I am filling in pot holes and building bridges. Wading through streams and swimming across rivers. Some of my path exists; I just have to uncover it. A lot of my path I have to construct myself.

How excited am I about this journey?!!

Alternative Boxing Day

This evening I went to a Buddhist meeting. This meeting happens every Wednesday and is usually quite well attended. I would say about 20 / 25 people. It wasn’t going to happen today as it is Boxing Day and people tend to be busy. But it did go ahead. 7 of us turned up. After the Metta Bhavana meditation we had tea then sat in a circle and just talked! Talked about change and what that meant as Buddhists. We talked about very personal things. We understood each other. We empathised. We laughed. It was an evening that I will always remember.

A pit stop…

Time to pause – to take a break; have a coffee and a slice of (vegan) cake. Time to reflect. Where am I on my path? Am I negotiating the hills and rocky places? Am I managing to push my way through the bushes and forests? Have I actually managed to climb my way out of the dark, deep chasm in which I found myself? Am I enjoying those (brief) times when my path is easy and is edged with flowers and trees and the sun is shining? Is my destination any clearer? Am I walking in the same shoes – do I need to change my clothes? Find a travelling companion? Use another mode of transport? Big challenging questions which I will reflect on as I walk.

At one time I had a travelling companion. This amazing man set me off on my journey and stayed with me for a while. He always described our journey as being on a train going towards a destination taking breaks at various stations on the way. Looking back, it was a train so I had no control of the journey – I boarded the train and had to stay on it or choose to leave at the next station. I boarded that train happily and was content with the journey but we would get to a station and the destination would change. And in the end it was not me that crashed that train – I was pulling on the emergency chord to no avail. After that we walked together for a while on the same path. I saw our path stretching far into the future. But, one night, under the cover of darkness, he slipped off our path and went down another…. He decided that ours was not his path. I have no idea where that goes but I hope it is his path and that he finds happiness on it. Maybe, one day, our paths will come together once more.

So I am left walking that path – a Buddhist path – going for refuge in the Three Jewels. It is the path, the way that I have chosen. Walking, crawling, running… I am in control of where I walk, how I react to the environment and the route I choose to take. This path has its twists and turns. Everyday life throws in obstacles which I try very hard to negotiate skillfully – sometimes I succeed; often I stumble. There are often interesting side paths and lanes which entice me to explore but they are a distraction. Sometimes I go off my path and find myself in a very wet, soggy, muddy ditch. BUT – and this is a bit BUT – I climb back out onto my path and keep going. I continue on my path trying hard to keep to the 5 precepts and seek guidance and support from my friends, from the Sangha.

So I am treading the Buddhist path – practising the Dharma as best as I can. I have a final destination I guess, but that is too far ahead, too much in the distance, I am not sure of the exact route. So I have to look at my map and find landmarks along the way – look for a route which will lead – eventually – to my final destination.

This too shall pass…

Well the past few days have not been without their challenges but I am slowly climbing up the rock face… managing to grab a foot or hand hold here and there. Sometimes I slip backwards but mindfulness and skilful thinking catch my fall. I am pleased and proud to say that I have not fallen back into my old ways of coping – sparkling water instead of wine. Drawing on the three jewels – looking at my wrist reminding myself that this too shall pass.

So onwards I go – trying to stick to my path.

Celebration of Sangha Day

When Ananda, the Buddha’s friend asked him if friendship was half of the spiritual life, the Buddha replied that it was “actually the whole of the spiritual life”

Yes I am talking about Sangha AGAIN! Yes, the Buddhist community is becoming increasingly important to my life. I will make this a short post 🙂

Last night at the weekly Eastbourne Buddhist meeting, four Mitras gave talks about the preciousness and joy of Sangha. All four are very different people, different ages, experiences, personalities. They all talked very differently. However, from all of them there shone the light, the jewel of Sangha radiating the importance that the different communities of Buddhists have in their lives.

Throughout the evening there was a common thread… the three jewels are inextricably linked. The Buddha, Dharma and Sangha are all precious jewels which shine in the world inviting people to take refuge within them.

Talking the Dharma

Yesterday evening was spent in the company of 8 women talking about the Dharma. It was the first session of our new Buddhist Study Group and we had come together for the first time. We meditated, talked, reflected, listened and shared experiences. We laughed and drank tea. In that room, sitting around the small shrine to the Buddha, sat a diverse group of women with different lives, personalities and experiences – all at different stages on the Buddhist path. However, in that community, as part of that Sangha last night I felt comfortable and cared for. For the first time in a very long time I felt that I belonged. I didn’t feel as if I was standing on the edges looking in. The overwhelming feeling was the thing that we had in common – the desire to explore the Dharma.

When I started thinking about this post, about what I would write I thought that this would be about studying the Dharma. I thought that I would be writing about the three steps to developing wisdom, the importance of exploring the Dharma with others. This was important. The Dharma held us together. However, the overwhelming feeling I been left with is about the importance of the Sangha we created. Sangha – the Buddhist community in which we can take refuge. Relationships, friendships can always falter and fail but the Sangha will always be there.

I am so much looking forward to our study sessions. To getting to know this lovely group of women. To exploring the Dharma; to exploring how I can follow the Dharma more fully and thoughtfully.