Becoming a Mitra

I am writing this just as I am getting ready to go to my Mitra Ceremony. I am looking forward to making the public declaration that I am a Buddhist. That I am practising the Dharma. That I want to be a Buddhist within the Triratna community. I look forward to declaring this within the Eastbourne Sangha.

There is one person who I wish could be with me this evening to witness this. The man who introduced me to all of this in the first place. He changed my life. He showed me the path which I now walk. So I would have liked him with me this evening. But he has wished me well and will be thinking of me.

After the ceremony

What an amazing, inspirational, beautiful, magical evening. I felt surrounded by love and support. A lovely friend who has been with me throughout my Buddhist journey surprised me by coming along. People stood up and said such lovely things about me – about my conviction, my energy. They called me a warrior and one praised me for my courage. We did a three stage Metta Bhavana meditation- and the second stage was centred on me. The tears threatened to flow.

I was right to be nervous about the candles ! I ended up putting all of the candles out trying to light mine! Then someone went in search of the lighter .. which somehow didn’t work! Fortunately someone had come armed with a lighter … It was fine – everyone was laughing and it didn’t take away from the occasion. It certainly made for an unique mitra ceremony! It could only happen to me.

I have so many cards and presents – the cards have such touching thoughtful messages. I also have the flowers from the shrine.

So I am now a Mitra. It feels such an important step. I feel energised. I have the tools to keep going forward in my life. I have a lovely set of friends who are always there for me and me for them. I am part of a beautiful community. I still have everything going on in my life. I have many challenges to face and life is not always satisfactory – there is much suffering. People who I love dearly are suffering. The situation I am in hasn’t got any better! In fact, it has got significantly worse over the last couple of weeks. But the way that I deal with it and the way in which I approach it has changed.

I asked for a poem to be read at my ceremony which sums it all up wonderfully. Someone commented that this poem was perfect for me. That I walked into the Sangha with a mission, a purpose.

THE JOURNEY BY MARY OLIVER

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

I have a date for my Mitra Ceremony!

I feel that I am a Buddhist
I am trying to practise the five precepts
I feel that the Triratna Buddhist Community is the main context in which I want to deepen my practice

Mitra is a Sanskrit word meaning friend. Mitras are people who have made what is called a “provisional” commitment to practising the Dharma within the Triratna Buddhist Order. There is a special ceremony which takes place where the would-be mitra is making the three declarations listed above. The ceremony itself is a simple yet beautiful one. Unfortunately for someone as clumsy as me, it does have plenty of opportunities to drop things or set the place on fire. Please don’t let me set the shrine on fire! I will keep you posted on that one.

This will definitely be a landmark in my journey. It’s represents a commitment to my path

Alternative Boxing Day

This evening I went to a Buddhist meeting. This meeting happens every Wednesday and is usually quite well attended. I would say about 20 / 25 people. It wasn’t going to happen today as it is Boxing Day and people tend to be busy. But it did go ahead. 7 of us turned up. After the Metta Bhavana meditation we had tea then sat in a circle and just talked! Talked about change and what that meant as Buddhists. We talked about very personal things. We understood each other. We empathised. We laughed. It was an evening that I will always remember.

Coming to the end of the year

The end of another year is approaching – and the start of the new. It is an artificial construct.. human made. And (together with all of the hype around Christmas) we have constructed a whole drama, story, legend around what the new year should mean. It’s often seen as an opportunity – the time to make resolutions, to decide to take new paths… What we are doing at midnight on 31st December seems to have taken on an extraordinary importance.

Most of the time, I find these human obstructs to be totally unhelpful. The Christmas thing – well that would be a whole “ranty” post to itself (it might well happen). But there is something about the New Year which I do find helpful… The idea that things can change… that I can make things change by resolving to do things differently.

Every year I make New Year Resolutions. I try to make them positive rather than saying what I won’t do. I did quite well on 2018’s. I made sure that they were SMART – (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound) so, yes, I did well. But were they challenging? Were they life-changing? I was unhappy with huge aspects of how I was living my life – did these resolutions aim to change that? On the whole – no they didn’t. They were easy, they were achievable – do Dry January…. drop that extra bit of weight… Take Pretzel to puppy training classes. These did not turn out to be life-changing for me – and they were never meant to be.

This year has been full of ups and downs (lots of downs). The dips in the road have seemed like craters. There have been great times – time spent in Snowdonia, a Moroccan holiday. There have been evenings spent with my girls, with friends… There has been great times but this year has taken its toll. I have loved and I have lost; people I love have been through trauma and distress; I have had to accept that there are things my body just cannot do any more (weights, running….). And there has been this feeling of being trapped in a place where I do not want to be… being a person that I do not want to be.

Fortunately, I did not totally break. I stumbled. I laid on the ground not wanting to move a few times… but I did not break – well not totally. I started on a journey in mid July which has been hard, with loads of twists and turns. The train I was on crashed. But the journey is sound. It is a journey which makes complete sense to me. It is not easy but it is do-able.

So, next year will see a continuation of my journey. I aim to become a Mitra early on in the new year – making my public declaration that I see myself as a Buddhist, am following the five precepts and see myself as belonging to the Triratna Community. I will be continuing to develop my practise of the Dharma.

I do not need a New Year tradition of resolutions and change to do this! It is a continuation. However, as I walked Pretzel yesterday morning I came to the realisation that I have to make changes. Changes that will help my continuing journey. Changes that I need to make in order to progress, to continue my journey. I have come to a junction and have to make decisions. I could continue walking the easier path which is familiar, even a little boring. Or I could push my way through forests, up hills and get to a path with a better view. I could accept the challenge of leading a better, more skilful life. I could carry on walking my current path with its familiar stresses and challenges until I am pushed off that path by others. I could let other people, circumstances dictate when I change my direction. Or I could make January 2019 the year in which I take control. When I give that push to becoming more Tee.

My resolutions for 2019 are SMART but they are challenging. They are not easy targets to meet. They are going to take work and determination. But I have a direction. I feel an energy that I haven’t felt in a while.

Avoiding the roller coaster… thoughts on an early morning walk with Pretzel

So – yesterday I wrote, rather optimistically, about not getting back on the roller coaster. I wrote about continuing to follow my path calmly and with focus. Umm – yes – right….

It is easier said than done isn’t it? Especially when more things happen which make life more painful, harder. Especially when I am trying not to use the coping mechanisms I have used before – those which seem to work at the time but are just temporary fixes, covering the cracks but actually making things worse. Especially when I am trying to use more skillful methods but I am not practiced enough in them yet.

But I have moved forward – I have made progress. I am on the rock face. I may not be pulling myself back up yet – but I have halted my fall. It would have been easier in many ways just to let myself fall… But no. I have a journey; I have a path. So I am using the unfamiliar foot and hand holds to cling on to. I hope to be able to start pulling myself up soon.

So here I am. I am continuing on my path. Following the 5 precepts as well as I can. Meditating and practising the Dharma. Trying to live more mindfully and skillfully. Doing everything I can to avoid the temptation of that roller coaster.

A pit stop…

Time to pause – to take a break; have a coffee and a slice of (vegan) cake. Time to reflect. Where am I on my path? Am I negotiating the hills and rocky places? Am I managing to push my way through the bushes and forests? Have I actually managed to climb my way out of the dark, deep chasm in which I found myself? Am I enjoying those (brief) times when my path is easy and is edged with flowers and trees and the sun is shining? Is my destination any clearer? Am I walking in the same shoes – do I need to change my clothes? Find a travelling companion? Use another mode of transport? Big challenging questions which I will reflect on as I walk.

At one time I had a travelling companion. This amazing man set me off on my journey and stayed with me for a while. He always described our journey as being on a train going towards a destination taking breaks at various stations on the way. Looking back, it was a train so I had no control of the journey – I boarded the train and had to stay on it or choose to leave at the next station. I boarded that train happily and was content with the journey but we would get to a station and the destination would change. And in the end it was not me that crashed that train – I was pulling on the emergency chord to no avail. After that we walked together for a while on the same path. I saw our path stretching far into the future. But, one night, under the cover of darkness, he slipped off our path and went down another…. He decided that ours was not his path. I have no idea where that goes but I hope it is his path and that he finds happiness on it. Maybe, one day, our paths will come together once more.

So I am left walking that path – a Buddhist path – going for refuge in the Three Jewels. It is the path, the way that I have chosen. Walking, crawling, running… I am in control of where I walk, how I react to the environment and the route I choose to take. This path has its twists and turns. Everyday life throws in obstacles which I try very hard to negotiate skillfully – sometimes I succeed; often I stumble. There are often interesting side paths and lanes which entice me to explore but they are a distraction. Sometimes I go off my path and find myself in a very wet, soggy, muddy ditch. BUT – and this is a bit BUT – I climb back out onto my path and keep going. I continue on my path trying hard to keep to the 5 precepts and seek guidance and support from my friends, from the Sangha.

So I am treading the Buddhist path – practising the Dharma as best as I can. I have a final destination I guess, but that is too far ahead, too much in the distance, I am not sure of the exact route. So I have to look at my map and find landmarks along the way – look for a route which will lead – eventually – to my final destination.

Today…

Today has been a different sort of day. It has been an extremely wet and miserable day – one of those designed to put anyone in a bad mood. A day which makes sensible people retreat indoors with a hot drink and a box set. Me being me – I have been out on a couple of walks and have got soaked each time. The first time I took a very grumpy Pretzel and the second time I took pity on her and went on my own. I think that she may have forgiven me by now.

Today has been a thinking, reflecting, growing sort of day. I have been listening to and learning from some very spiritually aware people.

I started the day with a Metta Meditation led by Tara Brach. This was a lovely meditation led by a very softly spoken woman. Follow this link to learn more about her – https://www.tarabrach.com/

I then listened to Russell Brand’s podcast with Tony Robbins on my first walk this morning – a very different experience. The energy coming off these two inspiring men was insane! This is well worth a listen! https://www.russellbrand.com/podcast/056-meeting-a-mentor-with-tony-robbins/

Later, I went onto Discovery 5 and watched a couple of episodes of Ben Fogle’s “New Lives in the Wild”. Randi, the first Norwegian woman to climb Everest was delightful! So charismatic and happy; such a courageous and spirited woman. https://www.my5.tv/ben-fogle-new-lives-in-the-wild/season-7/episode-4

It is now early evening and I am looking forward to watching “Strictly Come Dancing” with my girls. It is musical night so should be amazing to watch. I admire those celebrities so much – how do they learn to dance like that?

Today has been a day which has made me even more determined to keep to my path. To learn from and follow the Dharma and to learn to be happy myself and to help others be happy too. Tara Brach, Russell Brand, Tony Robbins, Ben Fogle, Randi – thank you for your inspiration.

This too shall pass…

Well the past few days have not been without their challenges but I am slowly climbing up the rock face… managing to grab a foot or hand hold here and there. Sometimes I slip backwards but mindfulness and skilful thinking catch my fall. I am pleased and proud to say that I have not fallen back into my old ways of coping – sparkling water instead of wine. Drawing on the three jewels – looking at my wrist reminding myself that this too shall pass.

So onwards I go – trying to stick to my path.

“Freedom from our addictions” – Becoming more Tee

I have had this book on my kindle for a while now but only started reading it a couple of days ago. Perfect timing. If I had read it before now I would not have applied it to me. The 12 Step Plan Russell is describing is for alcoholics, drug users… I would not have seen that I needed the liberation from my addictions, self-centredness and illusion. I would not have appreciated that I needed to totally rethink my life, world-views and attitudes. I would have seen it as a brilliant, useful, courageous book written by someone who I deeply admire but it would not have applied to me. It would not have resonated with me in the way that it has. I would know that “I am a bit fucked” (Step One) and I was beginning to see that “I could not be fucked” (Step Two). Step Three – I cannot do it on my own – was obvious. I haven’t worked through the rest in the way that Russell recommends (YET) but I need to get to the stage where I am brave enough, courageous enough to “live in a new way that’s not all about [me] and [my] previous fucked up stuff “ (Step Seven).

I started reading this book a few days after discussing world-views in my Dharma study group. All of us have views about how we think we should operate in the world, in our relationships, at work, everywhere. We believe and hope that they will result in the life we want to live. “If I act like this at work, I will do well and get promoted. This will lead to me having more money and power. I will be happier. My family will be grateful to me”. That sort of thing. “If this man does not want me – my life isn’t worth having”. “I need to have the latest iPhone, iPad, huge flat screen to be happy”. We all have views and ways of living life – for a lot of us they are seriously flawed. As Russell says, “We are trapped in a way of ‘being’ that is not working”. I am in the process of trying to change mine – to become more Tee.

It’s a hard journey. I told someone about the ups and downs – the downs are huge craters; the ups tiny. He reminded me that it is the toughest thing that I will ever do. Recovery acknowledges and addresses this. Russell knows first hand that it cannot be done alone. But crucially, it is not a one time thing. Steps 10 – 12 are about being committed to daily growth, to stay connected in these new, more authentic world views, to live life for others – not to concentrate on me, my ego.

Celebration of Sangha Day

When Ananda, the Buddha’s friend asked him if friendship was half of the spiritual life, the Buddha replied that it was “actually the whole of the spiritual life”

Yes I am talking about Sangha AGAIN! Yes, the Buddhist community is becoming increasingly important to my life. I will make this a short post 🙂

Last night at the weekly Eastbourne Buddhist meeting, four Mitras gave talks about the preciousness and joy of Sangha. All four are very different people, different ages, experiences, personalities. They all talked very differently. However, from all of them there shone the light, the jewel of Sangha radiating the importance that the different communities of Buddhists have in their lives.

Throughout the evening there was a common thread… the three jewels are inextricably linked. The Buddha, Dharma and Sangha are all precious jewels which shine in the world inviting people to take refuge within them.