Tag: Buddhism

Avoiding the roller coaster… thoughts on an early morning walk with Pretzel

So – yesterday I wrote, rather optimistically, about not getting back on the roller coaster.  I wrote about continuing to follow my path calmly and with focus.  Umm – yes – right….

It is easier said than done isn’t it?  Especially when more things happen which make life more painful, harder.  Especially when I am trying not to use the coping mechanisms I have used before – those which seem to work at the time but are just temporary fixes, covering the cracks but actually making things worse.  Especially when I am trying to use more skillful methods but I am not practiced enough in them yet.

But I have moved forward – I have made progress.   I am on the rock face.  I may not be pulling myself back up yet – but I have halted my fall. It would have been easier in many ways just to let myself fall…  But no.  I have a journey; I have a path.  So I am using the unfamiliar foot and hand holds to cling on to.  I hope to be able to start pulling myself up soon.

So here I am.  I am continuing on my path.  Following the 5 precepts as well as I can.  Meditating and practising the Dharma.  Trying to live more mindfully and skillfully.  Doing everything I can to avoid the temptation of that roller coaster.

 

A pit stop…

 

Time to pause – to take a break; have a coffee and a slice of (vegan) cake.  Time to reflect.  Where am I on my path?  Am I negotiating the hills and rocky places?  Am I managing to push my way through the bushes and forests?  Have I actually managed to climb my way out of the dark, deep chasm in which I found myself?  Am I enjoying those (brief) times when my path is easy and is edged with flowers and trees and the sun is shining?  Is my destination any clearer?  Am I walking in the same shoes – do I need to change my clothes? Find a travelling companion?  Use another mode of transport?  Big challenging questions which I will reflect on as I walk.

At one time I had a travelling companion.  This amazing man set me off on my journey and stayed with me for a while. He always described our journey as being on a train going towards a destination taking breaks at various stations on the way.  Looking back, it was a train so I had no control of the journey – I boarded the train and had to stay on it or choose to leave at the next station.  I boarded that train happily and was content with the journey but we would get to a station and the destination would change.  And in the end it was not me that crashed that train – I was pulling on the emergency chord to no avail.  After that we walked together for a while on the same path.  I saw our path stretching far into the future.  But, one night, under the cover of darkness, he slipped off our path and went  down another…. He decided that ours was not his path. I have no idea where that goes but I hope it is his path and that he finds happiness on it.  Maybe, one day, our paths will come together once more.

So I am left walking that path – a Buddhist path – going for refuge in the Three Jewels.  It is the path, the way that I have chosen.  Walking, crawling, running…  I am in control of where I walk, how I react to the environment and the route I choose to take.  This path has its twists and turns.  Everyday life throws in obstacles which I try very hard to negotiate skillfully – sometimes I succeed; often I stumble.   There are often interesting side paths and lanes which entice me to explore but they are a distraction.  Sometimes I go off my path and find myself in a very wet, soggy, muddy ditch.  BUT – and this is a bit BUT – I climb back out onto my path and keep going.  I continue on my path trying hard to keep to the 5 precepts and seek guidance and support from my friends, from the Sangha.

So I am treading the Buddhist path – practising the Dharma as best as I can.  I have a final destination I guess, but that is too far ahead, too much in the distance, I am not sure of the exact route.  So I have to look at my map and find landmarks along the way – look for a route which will lead – eventually – to my final destination.

Today…

Today has been a different sort of day.  It has been an extremely wet and miserable day – one of those designed to put anyone in a bad mood.  A day which makes sensible people retreat indoors with a hot drink and a box set.  Me being me – I have been out on a couple of walks and have got soaked each time.  The first time I took a very grumpy Pretzel and the second time I took pity on her and went on my own.  I think that she may have forgiven me by now.

Today has been a thinking, reflecting, growing sort of day.    I have been listening to and learning from some very spiritually aware people.

I started the day with a Metta Meditation led by Tara Brach.  This was a lovely meditation led by a very softly spoken woman.  Follow this link to learn more about her – https://www.tarabrach.com/

 I then listened to Russell Brand’s podcast with Tony Robbins on my first walk this morning – a very different experience.  The energy coming off these two inspiring men was insane!  This is well worth a listen!   https://www.russellbrand.com/podcast/056-meeting-a-mentor-with-tony-robbins/

Later,  I went onto Discovery 5 and watched a couple of episodes of Ben Fogle’s “New Lives in the Wild”.  Randi, the first Norwegian woman to climb Everest was delightful!  So charismatic and happy; such a courageous and spirited woman. https://www.my5.tv/ben-fogle-new-lives-in-the-wild/season-7/episode-4

It is now early evening and I am looking forward to watching “Strictly Come Dancing” with my girls.  It is musical night so should be amazing to watch.  I admire those celebrities so much – how do they learn to dance like that?

Today has been a day which has made me even more determined to keep to my path.  To learn from and follow the Dharma and to learn to be happy  myself and to help others be happy too.    Tara Brach, Russell Brand, Tony Robbins, Ben Fogle, Randi – thank you for your inspiration.

 

This too shall pass…

Well the past few days have not been without their challenges but I am slowly climbing up the rock face… managing to grab a foot or hand hold here and there. Sometimes I slip backwards but mindfulness and skilful thinking catch my fall.  I am pleased and proud to say that I have not fallen back into my old ways of coping – sparkling water instead of wine.  Drawing on the three jewels – looking at my wrist reminding myself that this too shall pass.

So onwards I go – trying to stick to my path.

 

Celebration of Sangha Day

When Ananda, the Buddha’s friend asked him if friendship was half of the spiritual life, the Buddha replied that it was “actually the whole of the spiritual life”

 

Yes I am talking about Sangha AGAIN!  Yes, the Buddhist community is becoming increasingly important to my life.  I will make this a short post 🙂

Last night at the weekly Eastbourne Buddhist meeting, four Mitras gave talks about the preciousness and joy of Sangha.  All four are very different people, different ages, experiences, personalities.  They all talked very differently.  However, from all of them there shone the light, the jewel of Sangha radiating the importance that the different communities of Buddhists have in their lives.

Throughout the evening there was a common thread… the three jewels are inextricably linked.  The Buddha, Dharma and Sangha are all precious jewels which shine in the world inviting people to take refuge within them.

 

Talking the Dharma

Yesterday evening was spent in the company of 8 women talking about the Dharma.  It was the first session of our new Buddhist Study Group and we had come together for the first time.  We meditated, talked, reflected, listened and shared experiences.  We laughed and drank tea.  In that room, sitting around the small shrine to the Buddha, sat a diverse group of women with different lives, personalities and experiences – all at different stages on the Buddhist path.  However, in that community, as part of that Sangha last night I felt comfortable and cared for.  For the first time in a very long time I felt that I belonged.  I didn’t feel as if I was standing on the edges looking in.  The overwhelming feeling was the thing that we had in common – the desire to explore the Dharma.

When I started thinking about this post, about what I would write I thought that this would be about studying the Dharma.  I thought that I would be writing about the three steps to developing wisdom, the importance of exploring the Dharma with others.  This was important.  The Dharma held us together.  However, the overwhelming feeling I been left with is about the importance of the Sangha we created.  Sangha – the Buddhist community in which we can take refuge.  Relationships, friendships can always falter and fail but the Sangha will always be there.

I am so much looking forward to our study sessions.  To getting to know this lovely group of women.  To exploring the Dharma; to exploring how I can follow the Dharma more fully and thoughtfully.

With mindfulness, clear and radiant, I purify my mind

Anyone reading my blogs would get the impression that I am moving along my path quite smoothly.  I am reading the right books, thinking the right things.  I am living in the moment.  Everything is going great!

Unfortunately, that is not the whole story.  There are a lot of things happening in my life which causes me stress and worry.  I have not got anywhere near to the point where I can accept my emotions as they are.    Today, on my morning Pretzel walk I reflected on the poor choices I make when trying to relieve stress.  The main one being a couple of glasses of wine at the end of the day.  Only a couple, but I do not feel it is healthy for me and it goes against the 5th precept which is concerned with avoiding intoxicants as they cloud the mind.

Those who have known me for a long time may remember that I first gave up drinking at university.  I spent the first year drinking at the extremely cheap university bar as practically every other student did.  But, after waking up with a hangover a couple of times I decided to stop – the night of the cheap neat vodka helped make that decision I seem to remember!  I was at university to get my degree and wanted to concentrate on my work.  I have given it up a few times in the past few years.  I should stress at this point that I do not drink rum for breakfast!  And I do not drink loads in the evening…  Before anyone starts panicking!

A couple of months ago I was going through a bad time but felt strong enough to stop again.  I stopped for 6 weeks and felt much better !  I was reading more in the evenings, staying awake longer, I felt healthier.  Then… something happened which hit me like a ton of bricks.  So I went back to this detrimental way of handling stress – I turned to the couple of glasses of wine / rum and cokes in the evening to try to make me feel better.

As I was walking this morning I acknowledged that I am doing very positive things.   I am walking a lot!  And I mean a lot!  I am definitely going to win this weeks Workweek Hustle.  I am reading.  I am trying not to watch so much TV (well I have finished the 5 seasons of Nashville available on Now TV).  I am attending the Buddhist meetings and about to start going to the new study group. I am meditating ( albeit not enough).  BUT… I am still having those couple of drinks in the evening.

Now I know that this will not sound a big deal to many people.  It is a couple of drinks.  Lots of people do it. But in order for me to progress on this journey I need to stop.  This is my next step.

So I say to myself and to you (as someone reading this post) – from this moment forward I will be not be drinking.  Sparkling water will be my new best friend.  I will keep you updated.

The colour orange

“The orange heart emoji is associated with joy, warmth, heat, sunshine, enthusiasm”

Until a few months ago, my favourite colours were dark and dramatic… my wardrobe is filled with black, purple and the occasional red.  I wore skinny jeans with skull covered T-shirts and hoodies.  My house is filled with neutral tones….  Then suddenly, I became drawn to bright colours.  I bought some brightly coloured harem trousers, a predominantly orange mandela duvet cover.  I started Pinterest boards devoted to boho fashion and rooms.  I have become drawn to the colour orange.

I see the colour orange as a warm colour signifying a deeply caring, soft yet strong love.  For me, it is the colour of metta / loving kindness.

I want to research the psychology of colour more.  I am interested in your views…. How do you see colour?  What do your favourite colours say about you?What do they signify for you?  Post comments below…

The moon and flowers …

“Buddhism is not dogmatic; it is very much about the intelligent and sensitive application of principles to the many and varied situations we find ourselves in”

The Eastbourne Buddhist Group have a fantastic box of books which I am working my way through.  The quote at the top of this post is from the introduction to a book of essays written by women who have been ordained within the Buddhist tradition.  These women look at how they bring together different aspects of their lives with their Buddhist practice and ideals.  These aspects include motherhood, relationships, work and feminism.  These women lead very diverse lives but all follow the Buddhist path.

This book has got me thinking… even with my girls being teenagers, it can be hard to reconcile Buddhism with motherhood.  I think about my lifestyle and my work – both are not always compatible with my Buddhist ideals.  Actually – lets be real, “not always compatible” is very much an understatement.  I am so early on in this journey.  Reading this book makes me even more determined to find my way to a simpler life.

This book appears to be out of print at the moment but second hand copies are available!  The amazon link is below.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Moon-Flowers-Womans-Path-Enlightenment/dp/0904766896/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

This morning’s walk

Introducing my pug / chinese crested cross – Pretzel.   According to google she is a “thing”.  She is a “Pugese”.  Look them up.  She seems to have more hair than most. Being biased, I think she is prettier than most.

Anyway – although impossibly cute – she is not to be the point of this first blog post.

I go for the same 5k walk around the streets where I live at least once a day.  Most days I am listening to music (the Nashville soundtracks are my current obsession) and fantasising about a life that is certainly not going to happen.  Now this is obviously not healthy!  My real life has not got a hope of matching up to this one!   And – I am definitely not “living in the present moment”.  This is not following Buddhist teachings and will not make for a happy Tee.  

So today, whilst listening to Russell Brand’s “Under the Skin” podcast with Charles Eisenstein, I actually looked around me and took notice as I walked.   I lived in the present and appreciated what was around me – the sky, some flowers hanging on from summer, autumn leaves.   I even managed to notice and, hence, pick up a discarded McDonalds bag.   I stopped to talk to an elderly woman walking her very sweet yorkie.

After a very enjoyable walk, I returned home and have had an extremely productive day.

Let’s hope I learn all of the lessons from this!  And do the same tomorrow – and the next day.

Today has been my most positive day in a long time.  It is all in the mind.  It is all about how I deal with my thoughts and my emotions.  It is about skillful thinking.