Tag: Amazon Prime

Do not let Mara and his host of Demons disturb your peace

 

So I had a down patch over the weekend. It didn’t last long. See previous post for details of my self inflicted angst. And yesterday I felt good and today I feel the same. Part of that is the realisation that my future is not preordained; my future does not have to be boring and pedantic. I can do things – have adventures. And now is not awful. Now is tough in many ways but it is not awful. Lots of now is good and positive.

So I have been following Instagram accounts showing camper van conversions and travel. I have stalked hikers/photographers who post pictures of mountains and beaches – beauty. I have read Ben Fogle’s book on climbing Everest (- few posts ago – and no I won’t be climbing Everest in this lifetime, maybe the next lol). And I am currently reading a book by an amazing woman Anna McNuff running her way across New Zealand… No I will not be doing that either!  I am thinking camper van, New Zealand. I am thinking wild camping and hiking.  I am thinking of travelling to the places where I have always wanted to go. For the first time in many years I can see that life can be fun again.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my life with my daughters. They are lovely human beings and my relationship with them is slowly changing as they grow into these amazing young women. I love my dog, my cats. My house is comfortable and warm . I still have vivid memories of the joy of walking into it on the day I moved in. I have amazing friends who I love seeing for game evenings and cups of tea. i have my Buddhist group and the people there who have very quickly become very important to me.  But I couldn’t see past this life. I couldn’t see past the day when my girls left to start their adventures. I thought that this is it! Me alone sitting in this house, working with data for the rest of my life.  A very sad and pathetic picture!  I just couldn’t see a way out.  I felt trapped.  I escaped from the cage for a little while last year when I had a period of time in which I had a plan, a journey.  It was going to be glorious – but that wasn’t to be. (Note to self – don’t put my key to happiness in someone else’s pocket.)

Now I am allowing myself to enjoy my life as it is currently. Buddhist meetings and Dharma study. Pretzel walks. My girls. JD and Smirnoff cuddles. Seeing friends. And on selling my house my immediate future will be fun and challenging – I am imagining walking, photography and camping. And into the future more adventure and maybe do that PhD that I always wanted to do (did a year but had to stop cos of an extremely bad back – another story ). I am imagining time to read, study, learn more about and practice Buddhism skillfully.

It might seem as if I have huge mood swings constantly flying from sadness and depression up to happiness and excitement for the future. I guess that, in some ways, this has been true of me in the past. I don’t mean the extreme mood swings that some people get because of mental illness etc but there has often been noticeable shifts. I felt like I was on a roller coaster which I allowed to take me on great highs and then the lows.  Now I try to keep my mood more stable, more positive.  I appreciate the good times but try not to be too sad when they are over.  I have recognised that my mood is more affected by my thoughts and reactions to my emotions than to outside influences / events. I now see that nothing is permanent so I try to enjoy and relish the good times and, when bad things happen, remember that all is impermanent. “This too shall pass“.

Last night I went to my Dharma Training Study Group where we were discussing the mythology around the life of Buddha.  We looked at the story of Mara and his demons throwing stones, arrows and flames at the Buddha.  But as they reached his aura of light they all turned into flowers and fell.  The Buddha remained unmoved by the attack.  One of the women at the group – a truly wise and spiritual woman – likened these stones, arrows and flames to our negative thoughts, people’s opinions and words of discouragement, less than positive outside influences. We have to learn to let them turn to flowers and fall before they have a chance to invade our peace.

Obviously I have not perfected this way of living, of being yet.  Silly things still get me down and make me miserable or angry (or both).  But I keep trying and, as a I try, I succeed more often.

I do recommend that you read the book by Anna McNuff. It’s one of the prime reading books on Amazon Prime

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/199976580X/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_YMYrCb0G4AMMS

Ben Fogle – Up

 

One of my heroes has to be Ben Fogle.  I admire his courage and his perseverance in tackling physically demanding challenges.  I am slightly jealous and in awe of the way in which he has built his career and life around his passion for travel and adventure.  I love his TV series on people who have managed to escape “normal life”, the rat race and are living differently.  So “Up” was definitely on my list of books to read.

I actually ended up getting it as my free audible book.  It was a different experience for me – listening to a book rather than reading it.  I listened whilst walking Pretzel on her daily / sometimes twice daily walks so finished it in a few days.

I enjoyed it.  I liked the fact that it was read by Ben and Marina – it brought something special to the account.  I was intrigued by his internal debates on being a good father whilst being true to himself.  His respect for his fellow climbers and for Victoria was evident throughout as was his love for his family.  I was interested in the process of climbing Everest.  The book portrayed a man who was very aware of his responsibilities towards others – sometimes overly so!  He seemed to think that other people – his father-in-law, Victoria – were his responsibility when in fact they had made the decision themselves to join the trip.  It showed someone who struggled at school but has managed to be successful despite that.  It showed someone who actually lives a very privileged middle class sort of life with lots of holidays to exotic places.  I think that his children are very fortunate to have Ben and Marina as parents.  They encourage physical activity and taking risks; they are able to travel and see a lot of the world.  Marina’s chapters were a definite asset to the book.  I liked her writing style and she came across as a very strong, likable woman obviously devoted to her family.

But – I was left feeling a little dissatisfied with “UP”.  Ben’s TV programmes always leave me wanting to know more.  He only seemed to scratch the surface of the monk’s solitary life and the nomadic life of the couple walking the world.  The TV programme on Everest felt the same so I was hoping that the book would go deeper.  I wanted to know more about the process, about the practice climbs.  I wanted to hear more about Victoria and her struggles – in some ways her experience would be more interesting than Ben’s.  I wanted to hear more about his life when he got home.  The book was a little repetitive.  Ben came back to the same topics (fatherhood v travel for example) many times without going any deeper, without developing his thoughts; using the same words and phrases.

I did enjoy this book and would recommend it.  I just felt that Ben could have gone deeper.  It is almost as if he needed to have someone there when he was writing to ask him searching questions, to make him think.

So now I need to listen to another audible book.  But I can only have one free one a month (I am taking advantage of the free Amazon Prime 3  month trial) and they look to be quite expensive.  Until next month I will have to continue to listen to Podcasts on my Pretzel walks.

Something different …

Ok – so I am not always walking down this path… I am not constantly reading, meditating, walking and writing. I stop every once in a while to look at the view.  I might have a short stroll down a country lane before coming back to the path.  I try to be careful not to indulge too much in things that can be mind-numbing or distractions from life – but I think that they can still be enjoyed in moderation.

I have already mentioned in other posts that I am a “Nashville” addict.  I love the music and listen to it on Spotify A LOT.  The characters and their search for the life that they want are interesting and warm.  It is a shame that it all came to an end in the finale of Season 6 because I think that there are still stories left to tell.  Scarlet had barely begun her exploration of who was – and what would Maddie and Daphne do with their lives?

I have just finished watching Season 5 of  Marvel’s “Agents of Shield” (See it on Amazon Prime).  It is such a clever, well thought out series full of interesting characters, fantastic plots and loads of energy.  And in the midst of everything is a family – the agents who love and care for each other, who fight then make up, who stick by each other whatever happens.  These agents never give up – they are courageous and strong all with different skills and talents.  Some are deeply flawed but continue to learn and grow.   The time travel aspect of the series intrigues me – can the future be changed?  Is it already set? Are there different versions of the future?  A look at how single, seemingly insignificant, events can change the future.  There must be all sorts of discussions, essays and debates that can be done on the issues, world views and thinking behind this series.