These two weeks are tough. Trying to come to terms with my Dad’s death, arranging his funeral with my brother, trying to support my mum. A few 200 mile trips to Hereford. And moving house at the same time. I must admit to being beyond tired. In among all of that have been the days I have actually got to work – look at data, answer emails and go to meetings. Sleep isn’t really happening – well not enough of it anyway. I just want some “normal”.
I am constantly reminding myself that my house sale is a good thing! It may be stressful at the moment but it is the doorway to a different way of living. So I must remember that this is a new positive beginning.
In many ways I am handling it all “ok” – much better than I would have done before I found Buddhism – the three jewels have helped me tremendously. I have been able to feel the emotion of it all more than I would have done in the past whilst still handling it. I have been a better support to Mum I think. And to my girls who loved their Grandad.
My friends – both Buddhist and otherwise have been amazingly supportive. One looking after Pretzel even though she can be a bit of a pain (cute but still a pain!). Another helping me with loads of tip runs. This practical support has made it all possible. Hugs / emails / texts / sympathy cards all help me to feel loved and cared about. One lovely lovely friend cooked me dinner and we just talked. Many friends have offered practical help which may well be taken up!
So yes I am handling it. It shows me that I have moved at least a little way in my quest to become more Tee. I know that I could help myself more – be more skillful in my actions. More meditation would be better than the few glasses of wine to which I have succumbed. I could be eating more healthily. But I have to accept that I am not perfect – far from it!
These two weeks will pass. They are just a moment in time. I just have to take each moment as it comes and try to act as skillfully as possible.