Anyone reading my blogs would get the impression that I am moving along my path quite smoothly. I am reading the right books, thinking the right things. I am living in the moment. Everything is going great!
Unfortunately, that is not the whole story. There are a lot of things happening in my life which causes me stress and worry. I have not got anywhere near to the point where I can accept my emotions as they are. Today, on my morning Pretzel walk I reflected on the poor choices I make when trying to relieve stress. The main one being a couple of glasses of wine at the end of the day. Only a couple, but I do not feel it is healthy for me and it goes against the 5th precept which is concerned with avoiding intoxicants as they cloud the mind.
Those who have known me for a long time may remember that I first gave up drinking at university. I spent the first year drinking at the extremely cheap university bar as practically every other student did. But, after waking up with a hangover a couple of times I decided to stop – the night of the cheap neat vodka helped make that decision I seem to remember! I was at university to get my degree and wanted to concentrate on my work. I have given it up a few times in the past few years. I should stress at this point that I do not drink rum for breakfast! And I do not drink loads in the evening… Before anyone starts panicking!
A couple of months ago I was going through a bad time but felt strong enough to stop again. I stopped for 6 weeks and felt much better ! I was reading more in the evenings, staying awake longer, I felt healthier. Then… something happened which hit me like a ton of bricks. So I went back to this detrimental way of handling stress – I turned to the couple of glasses of wine / rum and cokes in the evening to try to make me feel better.
As I was walking this morning I acknowledged that I am doing very positive things. I am walking a lot! And I mean a lot! I am definitely going to win this weeks Workweek Hustle. I am reading. I am trying not to watch so much TV (well I have finished the 5 seasons of Nashville available on Now TV). I am attending the Buddhist meetings and about to start going to the new study group. I am meditating ( albeit not enough). BUT… I am still having those couple of drinks in the evening.
Now I know that this will not sound a big deal to many people. It is a couple of drinks. Lots of people do it. But in order for me to progress on this journey I need to stop. This is my next step.
So I say to myself and to you (as someone reading this post) – from this moment forward I will be not be drinking. Sparkling water will be my new best friend. I will keep you updated.
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